Tag: relationships

Part 4: “Anything You Can Do, I Can Write Better”

The written word will always have power. No matter if it is in pen and paper, light in screen, or pencil etchings, and a notebook. As long as human beings have the power to record their own narratives, there will always be two sides to every story!

for the cars, it is essential that we understand just how important gatekeeping of language is, that language will still always invite intimacy, and it is important for minority people to have their story told as well.

it is for the want to control the narrative that Christ was made white, right?

as long as I as a writer, who identifies as black and female, have the resources at the ready to tell my story? I am going to tell it! I’m going to tell it because it needs to be told. There is an intimacy that goes along with this black, female experience that can only be reconciled, and understood by other Black people, and especially other black women. My language lends itself to, and towards that intimacy and experience!

If you take my words for me, you are actively engaging in my erasure! just because you can use a word that is used by people in a community that you are ingratiate it in, that you grew up around, does not mean you have the freedom to use that language, those words in a contacts reserve just for the people in that community and experience!

It’s deeper than, “You can’t say that.“

You can’t say that because you haven’t lived that.


Part 2- “Why I Say That…”

Language will always yield intimacy and influence.

There is and must be a level of recognition that goes along with language. This goes deeper than why you can’t say that.

What is often not seen or noticed in these discourses is how essential these two things are: experience and context.

In this digital age, so much is lost but the most crucial is intimacy. It is this knowledge which determines the effect of language in situations and people.

You can’t say what I say because you don’t have experience and context. I believe that this is a reason why language is often referred to in a feminine context–things with feminine attributes are capable of growth or change.

Toni Morrison said that language is the measure of our lives. Perhaps this is so because it provides links to past, context to present and perspective to future.

To The First Work-Day 26

Motherhood has taught me how dexterous love is, and how tough it is. While I am at the end of this first leg of motherhood (my children are teenagers), I am reflecting on how many times my heart had to break and be put back together.

And for that cause am I mystified why my heart didn’t break. Through divorce, deaths, struggles co-parenting with a man I married to forget another one I couldn’t live without…

My heart kept beating.

It began to beat…for them.

While it broke for the loss of a love…it beat for them.

The responsibility of being present in their lives, being a guiding force, a safe place? It is powered by love.

I learned that a mother’s heart is its own army. Even in death, I’ll leave love with and within them.

To The First Work-Day 22

If I can get it off my head, and I can see it to deal with it.

There is a reason why I journal, why I write, and why it is I use that visible pain to write characters that are believable. I am learning to honor what I feel, how I feel, and give myself permission to do what I had not before: feel.

At this portion of my life, I have the need to honor what I emote. Even if it is just to myself.

I am learning that as I protect everyone else dear to me, I cannot neglect myself.

To The First Work-Day 21

I’m 41.

I’ll be 42 in June.

I am learning to love myself radically. Like, radically! From the sprinkling of gray hair, to the soreness in my left foot (#plantarfascitis), and yet, the fact I don’t look my age. I love the fact that I still love to dance in the mirror, still flexible, and I am enjoying my body.

I love that I can be a vixen in great heels, and comfy in my high top Chucks.

I am learning more about me as I age, and understanding what Mother Rashad said about my own self being such a treasure. It took me 4 decades to get to this point: to enjoy my own company, self, and place in the world.

I belong in the world. I add to it. It’s better with me in it.

To The First Work-Day 18

Michael is the name of my favorite archangel.

Which is funny seeing that the most protective people I have ever dated were named, Michael. I have often wondered why that is, and what I did to attract them to me.

My childhood sweetheart: Michael.

The first guy I loved: Michael.

First man to break my heart: Michael.

The man that loved me to the point the gift of writing came back: Michael.

On some end, that’s fitting. Oddly, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

To The First Work-Day 15

Read ROMEO IS NOT COMING on Amazon and Kindle. -JBH

It’s Love Hangover Day.

Where you are basking in the glow of being well loved, or realizing you are the secret. This day is symbolic of either the best hangover or the most devastating hangover you have ever had.

There is time for regret. Reflection. Reconciling and remembering.

My Valentine’s Day? It was quiet. I reflected. I reconciled. And I decided–in my heart–that I might not be as ready as I thought I was to give up on love.

To The First Work-Day 13

The sexiest thing I have done is choose myself. All of me…

Choosing me has required accepting myself on a level that I wasn’t brave enough before. I think—especially as a Black woman!—you must accept yourself so that you can move in the world unencumbered!

Racism makes Black women shrink, second guess, and hate themselves.

Being Black and woman is a revolutionary act.

Self-love is a revolutionary act.

To The First Work-Day 12

Romantic love is great. It is a beautiful thing and I am a fan of it. With heartbreak being what it is, I am still open to marrying again.

Mixed in with that intentional dating, I now lead with my head and not my heart.

I pay attention to red flags.

I have no problem saying ‘No’.

I still like kisses.

I won’t smash on first dates.

I expect my partner to communicate, be present, and be faithful.

I’m a wife in an instant, hookup culture.

It’s weird outchea.

To The First Work-Day 10

I’m in New Orleans for a weekend trip with my best friend. The woman who is more sister to me and I cannot see my life without.

And yet, I am in one of my favorite cities in the world—where I wanted to marry the man I called the love of my life, my Twin Flame. I married a man I should never have told time to let alone spent time with in Jackson Square, not too far from here.

It’s weird being here…remembering love and loss and grieving the never was. My mission is to embrace the grief and erase the slick nature of it to enjoy myself.

Today, far from home, I’m going to make it a mission to own my heart—not letting her close off to loving another, loving the city, and rewriting history and creating new chapters.

Here I am New Orleans, talk to me nice.