Thirty Days of Fire: Day 15-Three Pet Peeves

There are a few things that grind my gears like the things I’m going to list. There are so many things I can look past, but these make me my blood itch.

Garbage that climbs up a wall. I cannot stand this! I cannot tell you how much I cannot stand this! The best creation I have created in the last five years are scented trash bags! I stockpile them in my kitchen. I hate when trash in my house piles up. I need my space clean so I can focus. I see trash that begins to spill out and it must get out of my space. Ooh, chile!

Dishes. Left. In. The. Sink. I think this is the thing that most working mothers deal with. I think if I’m at work all day, the least you (bleep-bleep-bleep) people could do is wash the damn dishes! Wash the damn dishes! Please WASH THE DAMN DISHES! Don’t wait for me to come home and see a *sinkfull of dishes!

Messed-up full sets. If you know me in real life, and follow me on social media, you know I am a fan of artificial nails. I am a fan of all things glamourous:  hair appointments, eyebrow arches and manicures.

Imma fan of being gorgeous on a continuous basis.

The thing that gets on my nerves is when I have a fresh set of nails (my got-to shape is coffin (shouts to my inner Goth-girl!)), and either two things happen:

Drying. I will make an concerted effort to try and sit still for 5-10 minutes for my nails to dry. When, just when, I think that all 10 newly pretty digits are ready, I mess one up. I mess one up! I paid to have 10 digits remade and 9 survived! That is the most irritating part! Now, that I know the power of gel polish, I can conquer the world in 3 minutes! If I can sit still. And if I want to spring for gel.

 

Crooked nails. I cannot stand when I haven’t paid attention to the nail technician that has done an awesome job making me pretty, I come home, or get to my car and notice that a nail isn’t square or is off slightly. I cannot stand it! I have been known to ask a tech to fix a nail before she cuts them to shape them! I am glad now that I have dedicated nail tech that knows that I like to the point that she shades when I do something different–and she fusses at me to sit still.  Out loud. Thank you, Shannon.


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(Here is some of Shannon’s work. All photos were taken from the official Facebook page for the Selfie Salon. If you are interested in booking Shannon, please see this link here.)

 

*-Here I am using the cultural colloquialism for ‘sinkfull of dishes.’ This means there are dishes in the sink that were not there at the time I left, or went to work. It is irritating to go to work all day, knowing there were people at the place you pay for all day, and no one thought it would be a good idea to wash dishes? No one?! Aight.

 

 

[image from Calvary.com.my]

 

 

 

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 14- Your Life In 7 Years

In 7 years, it will be 2026.

At this time, I will be the mother of a 19-year-old and 17-year-old. I will be 45-years-old. I will be in the prime of life. What I wish to have in my life at this point is career-based. I want to have a publishing company. I want to be  a best-selling author! I’ll have at least double the amount of books that I have in print right now, along with an agent that I can grow and change with. That is the thing I want so badly. I want to be able to get up, and smile knowing I made money in my sleep! I want to be in a position where I can do what I want, when I want–not just the things I have to do.

I am not a materialistic person but what I would want is a summer home in New Orleans, that I can visit and get away. I told my husband that once my children had gotten through high school, I was disappearing for a month. I don’t know where I would go, or what I am going to do–but those 30 days will be restorative, and well-deserved. I would be planning for this trip in 2026.

My life in 7 years will switch from being less hands on than it is now. I will be getting one child ready for college, and prepping to have an empty nest. And empty nest?! Before 50?! I would be excited, scared and ready for the next life phase! There would definitely be more traveling. Internationally, by then. I would want to spend my 46th birthday in Rome or Barcelona.

My life in 7 years? In less than another decade, will be so different than it is right now. At present, there are always dishes and laundry and meals to make. There is always something to do, someone that needs me. In less than a decade, that will change. What a strange thing to grapple with. With just the passage of time, life changes and shifts all over again.

That is exciting. That is scary. And it’s not that far away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[image from 100days.design]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 13-Your Commute To And From Work/School/Etc.

It’s not a secret that I’m a working mother. I’m a married mama of 2 preteen girls. In working in healthcare, the hardest thing is to leave on time. And after 12 hours of call lights and bodily fluids, all I want to do is crawl into a hot shower, with my empty bed to greet me.

I drive 30 minutes each way across the vindictive highway known as I-270. Along the 30 minute stretch of highway, I normally listen to music–loud. As is my habit since I learned to drive. I let my thoughts wander and appreciate my own company.

I rarely think about work when I am on the way to it. I think of all the projects I’m doing. Grocery shopping. Shopping for myself. I make time to be me. Not the wife. Not the author. Not the budding mogul. I think about me. Those 30 minutes prepare me for the 12-hour shift of getting the needs of other people met. I am learning that taking time for myself is never a bad thing–it makes me a better woman, to become a better mother.

After helping people, wiping orifices, and chasing lights up and down the halls, 7:00 am is a Godsend! When I go to my car, I sit. I have to remember to shift back into being a mother, and just me again. I think about if my kids got up on their alarms. I frown about my husband being up–believing that he probably isn’t. The morning commute is always quicker. I don’t know or understand it. But, I have a Go Home Mix playlist in my Apple Music app. It normally starts with the song All The Stars from the Black Panther soundtrack. It’s made up of songs that I can and do sing along with to get home. The mornings where my husband doesn’t pick me up, he’s afraid that I will fall asleep on the way home.

The drive home is taxing, it is affirming and it is an exercise in faith in early morning rush hour. But once I’m home? And the world is quiet again? I shower. Close my eyes, and become me all over again.

[image from michellesingelton.com]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 12- Two Word/Phrase That Make You Laugh

I am a fan of words. As a writer I have to be! When I was a girl, my aunt, Linda, instilled in me if I didn’t know a word to look it up. And I still do that! Thanks to the Dictionary App, I get to learn a Word Of The Day everyday! Do you know me how cool that is?

As a writer, that is one of the ways you expand your most valuable asset: your vocabulary.

From all of my reading, the one phrase that I still makes me laugh, was actually found in a documentary about England’s mortal-immortal monarch: Queen Elizabeth I.

When confronting Mary Queen of Scots about the death of her husband and King (and her crazy behavior following her first husband’s murder), Elizabeth I uses this phrase:

nortorious lacks

I SCREAMED LAUGHING!

I laughed because this phrase was used in a royal letter, presumably with her royal seal! This phrase was used to tell another anointed queen that her royal slip was showing!

Queen Elizabeth I whose entire reign was alone and childless, read her! She told her fellow queen, Mary Queen of Scots, that because she married the man whom may have killed her husband, and her thotish behavior tore her realm apart, used this phrase to demonstrate how stupid she was! Every time I heard it, I screamed laughing!

Notorious lacks is a phrase I now use to describe people whom act in similar reckless fashion, with similarly reckless people! Of all the words and word phrases I know, this is the best one.

#NotoriousLacks

[image from gointothestory.blcklst.com]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 11-Your Current Relationship; If Single, Discuss That Too

Ah, relationships.

I’m a passionate person, and love the idea of being with someone who wants to be with you.

For background, I am a cis-gendered heterosexual woman and married to a man whom, July, we will be celebrating 6 years together.

My younger sister told me this when I my first marriage was falling apart:

“The women in our family aren’t the marrying type.”

I laughed at first. But, it broke my heart! It really did. I thought, wondered aloud, why she would even say something like that. It reminded me of a book called This Bitter Earth, about a girl named Sugar and why the women in her family are the way they are.

I wanted to know just what the marrying type was. Or is?! I was raised to be strong. I was raised to be ruthless in my ambitions and focused. I was taught to be pretty, and intelligent and confident–while again, suspicious of men and the men that liked me.

I admit. I didn’t know how to be a wife. I didn’t know what wives did! I mean I knew marrying a man makes me a wife, but as far as melding a life together with another person? Still working on that.

I love the fact that I have a life partner. Someone to share joys and sadness with. Someone to help remind you to buy milk, toilet paper and toothpaste. I love being married. It’s a comfort, and a relief. Marriage is also the hardest thing I have had to do aside from having two children.

Marriage requires three things, which cycle and are dynamic:

  • Time
  • Communication
  • Compassion

My husband chose a woman that is beautiful, charming and has more drive than a fleet of Chevrolets. I want what I want and believe that I can have it if I worked hard enough at it. We have had knock down, drag out screaming matches and fights. The fights which would have broken me if I didn’t understand what the greater objective was!

We’ve separated. Given each other the silent treatment. I’m sure he’s called me a bitch in his head a few times. I’ve been so mad at him that I made up other curse words to call him to his face and in my head! But, what made us keep at this, is love.

This notion that we chose each other, and chose each other in this crazy world. We chose to be an anchor for each other. And believing that since God is love–just maybe we can do this too.

[image from YouTube.com]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 10-A Fruit You Dislike And Why

Hmm.

I’m a foodie! I like to try new foods and new food combinations! But a fruit that I cannot stand, and do not like?

KIWI. (Don’t think of the Maroon 5 song!)

I don’t like how they look. How they feel or how they taste. I can’t. I just can’t! I think it’s because it confuses me.

It’s a furry fruit with slimy insides. I can’t! It’s gross! It’s a texture thing! I can’t, I cannot do kiwis! I can’t do fruit salad with them! I can’t do them hidden in something else! No! Do NOT give me Kiwis!

Nope. Nope. NOPE! Can’t make me!

[image from fimfiction.com]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 9- Your Feelings On Ageism

I am 37. I will be 38 in five months and fifteen days.

As of this year, I am two years away from 40. I am at the age where most of the world thinks I begin to max out. And to be honest? I have a fear of that. I have a fear I’m running out a clock!

My grandmother died at 84. In 2 years I’m at the halfway point of life and that is frightening to me. Then, I had this thought.

“Your own self is such a treasure.”

This is a quote from the utterly phenomenal Phylicia Ayers Allen Rashad.

In 2018, Phylicia Rashad turned 70. I began to think of my own mortality. I thought about what all she had seen, thought and began to think about my own life. I thought about what I had lived through and what I had to look forward to.

Ageism is discrimination on the basis of age. Moreover, it is the admitting that society doesn’t even know what to do with people of a certain age–especially women.

This society loves everything sleeker, younger, faster, prettier. Especially women. I thought about how pretty I wouldn’t be when I was 70. The lost of function. Loss of being desirable. The lost of dexterity. All I could think about was loss.

But then I looked at the women I admire and how age didn’t define them. I looked at Phylicia and how she’s still doing what she loves, along with Dihann Carroll and looking amazing while doing it! I looked at Shonda ‘Irunalladishere’ Rimes. I looked at Viola Davis. Both over 40.

I realized I had been speeding my life up without counting the wins. Without embracing the wins with the losses. I see my age now in view of what I have learned and what is next! I have learned to value days, moments and what I want from this life.

Age doesn’t determine my worth. I have learned that my own self is such a treasure.

37 years down. So many more to go!

[image from kylecease.com]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 8-A Book You Love And One You Didn’t

As a writer, it is odd to talk about a book that I ‘didn’t’ like. I don’t make a habit of buying books that I don’t like. However as a bibliophile, I do have a couple books I would like to discuss.

As of 2018, there are 2 books that I can say that had that effect on me.

I cannot sing the praises of this book ENOUGH:

ELOQUENT RAGE WAS A BLACK GIRL WAR CRY! I loved this book because I have never had an author, especially a woman of color to bravely, fiercely explain just WHY I am angry! Where the rage comes from. I purchased this book on Audible in the Fall of 2018. I suicided* this book in a day and a half. I drank from this book like a fresh water well. I bathed in the knowledge of Dr. Brittney Cooper like I was swimming in the ocean! I wanted all she had to offer. I recommend this book to any young, gifted and Black young girl. It is a reminder that you have a right to be angry. You have a right to your voice, it’s power and to be heard. Get the book. Share the book. Make the ‘Crunk Professor’ famous!

A book I didn’t love (but didn’t hate):

 

I am an Anne Rice fan! I love the Vampire Chronicles, and this book? I wanted more story. I wanted more story! I thought that Claudia would have more to say. I wanted her to have more to say! I know this book is an adaptation, but as a fan of the series? I was left in lack and utter literary want.

I read book as the Kindle version. The artwork was amazing, it was so detailed. And all I wanted was more story. Claudia, needed more than those pages.

 

 

[image from kylecease.com]

Thirty Days of Fire: Day 7-What Tattoos Do You Have And If They Have Meaning

My mother told me I had to be 18 and out of her house before I do anything to my body.

I took that literally.  Ear piercings weren’t enough. I wanted a tattoo. I wanted something on my body that meant something to me.

When I was 23, I got my first tattoo. It is the Japanese kanji (lettering) for ‘phoenix.’ Why ‘phoenix’?   It means intelligence. Resilience. Beauty. All things I thought I possessed. I had come out of a 3 year relationship that almost killed me. I survived crazy portions of my childhood including a rape at 19. I survived my father dying. I survived suicidal ideations. I tell people this:  “I earned this Phoenix on my back!”

My ex-boyfriend had one on his left forearm in Chinese. For while, I debated on getting it. He told me that I shouldn’t (Pro-tip:  You don’t tell me what to do). But I went ahead and did it–my sister spoke Japanese and she confirmed the kanji.

If you divide my back into quadrants, my tattoo is vertical and in black ink. It’s drawn on me like a seal. Which is what I wanted. The needle on my skin was psychosexual. It hurt but it wasn’t a screaming pain like I thought it would be.

When I got this tattoo, I could see how people could be addicted to them. I have my next piece planned. The artist picked out. And a bestie to film it–because posterity.

 Besides I have 4 picked out, and before I’m 40 I’m sure I’ll have all of them.

 I’m a writer, after all.

Some things are just better said with ink.

 

[image from lancebane.com]