30 DAYS OF JAYE-DAY 21: Ain’t No Lemonade

I find it funny when men say

that I’m bitter.

I’m not bitter, I’m tired

I’m tired of

having my time played

with, my body use

my heart exposed

my body betrayed–

I’m not bitter, I’m tired.

I’m tired of the

assumption being that

I’m always gonna

be there for you

and you never there

for me but if you are

there for me it could

only be in these

capacities by which

you can count

between your index

and your thumb

I’m not bitter, I’m tired

I’m tired of phone calls

that don’t come

dates which never arrive

and children you never see

I’m not bitter, I’m tired

I’m tired of the rebuilding

I’m tired of telling my heart

that we can’t do this again

I’m tired of my mind

to be like Mrs. Smith

on that one couch

in that one movie

where she looked

at the ceiling with tears

she sucked back into her

soul when she said

you don’t love him

I’m not bitter I’m tired

I’m tired of having

this love inside of me

so deep

so rich

so real

and I have no one

to give it to other

than pen and paper

my children

for the love of my God

for the protection of my people

I’m not bitter, I’m tired

and like any other girl

who listens to her mother

with the wisdom

of her father

I have learned to go

Where I am wanted

Lusted and celebrated.

I don’t have enough

Sugar to make lemonade.

That’s a sugar only

Beyonce has.

-JBHarris, April 2022