Thirty Days of Fire: Day 11-Your Current Relationship; If Single, Discuss That Too

Ah, relationships.

I’m a passionate person, and love the idea of being with someone who wants to be with you.

For background, I am a cis-gendered heterosexual woman and married to a man whom, July, we will be celebrating 6 years together.

My younger sister told me this when I my first marriage was falling apart:

“The women in our family aren’t the marrying type.”

I laughed at first. But, it broke my heart! It really did. I thought, wondered aloud, why she would even say something like that. It reminded me of a book called This Bitter Earth, about a girl named Sugar and why the women in her family are the way they are.

I wanted to know just what the marrying type was. Or is?! I was raised to be strong. I was raised to be ruthless in my ambitions and focused. I was taught to be pretty, and intelligent and confident–while again, suspicious of men and the men that liked me.

I admit. I didn’t know how to be a wife. I didn’t know what wives did! I mean I knew marrying a man makes me a wife, but as far as melding a life together with another person? Still working on that.

I love the fact that I have a life partner. Someone to share joys and sadness with. Someone to help remind you to buy milk, toilet paper and toothpaste. I love being married. It’s a comfort, and a relief. Marriage is also the hardest thing I have had to do aside from having two children.

Marriage requires three things, which cycle and are dynamic:

  • Time
  • Communication
  • Compassion

My husband chose a woman that is beautiful, charming and has more drive than a fleet of Chevrolets. I want what I want and believe that I can have it if I worked hard enough at it. We have had knock down, drag out screaming matches and fights. The fights which would have broken me if I didn’t understand what the greater objective was!

We’ve separated. Given each other the silent treatment. I’m sure he’s called me a bitch in his head a few times. I’ve been so mad at him that I made up other curse words to call him to his face and in my head! But, what made us keep at this, is love.

This notion that we chose each other, and chose each other in this crazy world. We chose to be an anchor for each other. And believing that since God is love–just maybe we can do this too.

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