Claim To Fame: Why I Breathe Fire

Reflection:

The same thing I am praised for, is the same thing people try to snatch me for—this thing I do with these 26 letters.

In the face of abject crazy which is the current world, I would be remiss in my duties as a writer not to speak or record it. When I decided to lean into writing, being a writer as a career, I knew what I was getting into—what it would cost, and what I aimed to do in it.

This is the thing I love, communication and the art of word play. It’s what I do. It’s legit what I do. And for the love of it, I happen to write down my imagination to sell to people. I keep pens on hand, my desk is covered in papers and my laptops are always running out of space.

This, indeed, is my sweet spot.

Love and blessings,

JBHarris

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30 Days Of Jaye – Day 28: Daddy, I’m Okay

This will be in the upcoming work dedicated to my father, DADDY, I’M OKAY.

When I’m tired,

my mother tells

me to stop wiping

and holding my face

like my daddy did

when he was tired.

I think that,

even in those

neurons and synapses

That is my father,

reaching from the beyond

into me to let me know

that he still wants

to take care of me.

I want him so bad,

“Daddy, I’m okay.”

I know with you

being so far away,and

you being into the mystery, and

me eight years from

the point from

where your heart beat

For the last time,

I still want to say:

“Daddy, I’m okay.”

I won’t lie and say

There aren’t days

Where I ache for

your voice and

Rely on your grit—

It is impossible not to miss you.

There are days

I struggle to remember

all you were,

all that you are,

and what you meant to me.

In this world of grief and strife

it sometimes makes memory

so hazy,

that I have to struggle

to remember your voice.

I have now crossed

a threshold in this life,

I have been without you

more than I had you.

I understand if God be for me,

I will have more years

in front of me,

and that holds

the unique paradox

that I might forget you.

And yet Daddy, I’m okay.

I’m okay because

for whatever reason

you fit to give me

rock —and to speak to it,

to demand

I’m not let go of it!

That you endowed

this pretty Black girl

who is now

a strong Black woman

with enough in her

in 17 summers

to summon

when the storms of life rage!

Daddy, I’m okay.

I’m gonna be okay

until it’s okay

speak okay

Until a way is made!

And Daddy, I’m okay…

You can rest now.

I am reminded

there is no time limit

on how long

A father will

love his daughter—

even from million miles away.

I take solace that even on my dying day,

I’ll still be your babygirl.

Daddy… Immabe OK.

-JBHarris, 4.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 27: Light. Heat. Smoke.

He said

My mouth was slick,

And I was always

Poppin my shit!

You think that

Him knowing me

As long as

he knew

Himself would prepare

Him for me to

Always come

Ace High,

No chaser —

Hot.

Smooth.

And…

Thick!

Full-bodied

And smooth

…like he likes

All desirable things

He believes

Belong to him.

He brave enough

To say I, too, belong

To him—

Who am I

To argue when

…he be right?

-JBH, 9.3.2023

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 26: How You Fireproof A Black Girl

How to fireproof a Black girl in 10 easy steps:

1.) Believe in yourself when even it seems all is lost. You have more within you than they can ever be a cost. Do not abandon you because you is what you have and you is what you will leave with.

2.) Remember all the mammies are dead. You were never supposed to be one, and everything in you has come from victory.

3.) Peace is where you are, peace is what you deserve, and peace is what you fight for: peace of mind, peace of heart, and never a piece of a man.

4.) You have the right to love, and be loved and be loved who you want. You have the determination in your own self to arrest those who bring you no rest! You have to understand love is what brought you into this world, and it is LOVE that holds this place together, as we float through this universe of countless fascinations!

5.) You have the right to flip all this shit over!

6.) You have the right to feel, to be treasured, to be adored, and never fucked. Unless, that’s what you like.

7.) You have the right to cut your hair. Grow your hair! Dye it! Roll it! Frame it!

Slap it, flip it, and reverse it just like Missy Elliott told us to! You have the right to be and change just when and where you want to! You have the right to wear red nail polish now Black girl! With stiletto tip nails and shoes if you see fit!

8.) You have the right to your story—even to rewrite!—and always give the edits to He has sent you to do a great work.

9.) You belong to you. Your life is a gift, and you are needed here. Don’t die with any dream in you.

10.) You have the right to live your life as big as you want as you want as free as you want and who can stop you but you?

If you get confused, sometimes the matches get too close to go back to step one.

-JBHarris, 4.26.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 25: The Road To Perdition

The most contagious lie

on the Internet is

that Black women

are undesirable —

unwanted,

not beautiful,

not trustworthy—

needing to be in our more natural state.

The road to perdition

is always paved

with eyelashes

and weave,

and HR approved hair colors.

It is the steady robbery

of person and self

And the marriage therein

that tells you that

the world can only end

where you begin!

the road to perdition

Is paved with stilettos

that echo hallways

we are not supposed

to be in,

the shunning of

our own selves

from our own selves

into places meant

to be margin.

Our place supposed to be uncomfortable.

Pleasure and purity

Never being ours—

walking these narrow roads

with a few gates, and

even fewer allies, and

no light, and

we were supposed

to just endure that

with smiles in our faces

because Black girls

are made for hard times.

And the only way

to find redemption

among this back door

To Hell’s Jericho Road

is to abandon all hope

of all ye who enter here [the World]

as Dante said,

but at the same time l—

who put us here?

it was Oracle Malcolm,

who told us

who looked like him,

“Who told you to hate yourself?”

and if a Black woman

does not hate herself,

Then,

how can she truly be Black?

But if Blackness holds

everything and

everything is inside Blackness

that means we hold

all power in our very hands!

You see perdition

Was never ours,

It’s was never

ours to be sent,

This road we were

Given is not ours to cement!

It for the cause of those

Who do not know who

They are and will never accept

Who we are

That we continue to forfeit

Our own selves for their selves!

But understand

The key to our CELL,

is never FOR SALE.

The road to Perdition

They say

Is paved with

good intentions.

But at the same time

Heaven is within us

so perdition is never made

for us, and is a holding spot

for those who don’t know

who they are …

besides the darkest trick the devil ever played was to to make the world believe he doesn’t exist, but

Black

women

always

have.

-JBHarris, 4.26.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 24: The Cry of The Free Woman

Say Sis-

Did they pick you yet?

Have you now found the courage

To keep trying to out do

Me with whose pussy is better contest?

Have they picked you yet?

You’ve dyed your hair

Gotten the contacts

Gave up contracts

Time

Body and

The most excellent delicate

Whimsical kiss

That Ntozake Shange

Spoke about.

Have they picked you yet?

From all the fighting

On the Internet

From placing your heart

As a useless bet

On countless crap tables

From a man who

Said he would love you forever?

Sis, did he pick you yet?

Did he pick you yet

After all the money you put on his books —

After all the dirty looks —

And from all the right hooks—

Did he pick you yet?

Will your suffering

Finally be enough

To make him come home

Or perhaps—

Raise him from the dead?

Have your eyes

Become so affixed

To the front that

You can’t see what’s

In the back of your head?

Have they picked you yet?

Have they picked you yet

Internet forum

From boardroom

To classroom

Most intimate bedroom talk

To playground,

Have they picked you yet?

The oracle

Nikki Giovanni said

If you find a woman not

full of herself, she’ll be starving,

And clearly you have

Lost both sight and appetite

Feeding on whatever

Is in reach.

Have they picked you yet?

Are your breasts not big enough

The BBL unpaid

Not light enough

Not sweet enough

Did you not make

Him Cum when he

Called enough?

Have they picked you yet?

Us on this side of freedom

Crossing the portion

Of Jordan cannot be affording

The laziness of stopping

Due to your insistence

That you are right

When rail to make

Sure all is not lost.

We will no longer pay this cost!

We are tired of

Having to fight the

World and you too

When you look like me

And I look like me

And I am you.

You see me as problem

To solve,

As the one to save

When truth is

When you try

To bind me to you —

All I have is rage!

All I’m trying to do is live my own life.

It sent to my own self.

With all of myself.

Bringing all of

my selves with me!

The healed versions carrying the wounded versions because my own self is such a treasure.

Did he pick you yet?

Otherwise we will be

In this contest

You blocking the door

Never wanting more

And I refuse to

Stay here with

You forever and a day!

Queens don’t cast

Their crowns to

Neither fools

Nor swine…

Have they picked you yet?

-JBHarris, 4.22.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 23: Suvivorship (or Icarus Had A Widow)

Fun fact: the name Zachary is from Zachariah which means the Lord remembers.

Note: This is my first husband’s real first name and I never took his. He is remarried to another woman, has children with her, and makes no attempt to have a relationship with his children. As you read this work, with this backstory, it will make more sense.

The name

The Lord remembers

Corresponds to

The same Icarus

Who left me with

The daughters

Held in body

And heart.

The same one

Who now has

Made his tribe

Complete with the

Sons be craved

So that his line

And its curses

Might not die

With him.

There is no love lost

When the man you loved

No longer exists—

If he ever had.

Tied to you by time

As my ancestors were

The language and land

Foreign because I

Never was supposed

To be here alone.

I swallowed the salt water

For my children to breathe.

To breathe to do

What Doubting Thomas said

To rage, rage against the

Dying of the light!

Pressing –

Swimming –

Towards the Son

With the

These two

Cleaving to me

To make their

Mother a mermaid

to bring them to

Dry land

To make the milk and honey.

My fins are feet and feet are fins

The traversing between

The world given

And the world that is.

And taught my daughters to swim.

Their father is Icarus.

Their mother is Yemoja.

The death he wanted

Was his own —

And he can watch

from the bottom of the sea.

-JBHarris, 4.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 22: Before The Storm Rolls In

I don’t know how 42 happened.

That is to say I didn’t think aging

Was what I would do alone.

That is to say the happily ever after

wasn’t meant for me, not like I wanted it to be.

That is to say I am the one who got away, and time marched on anyway,

That is to say the girl I was is the woman I am who takes the little girl who was old when she was young with me —

That is to say the dreaming only got bigger when time became quicker —

That is to say the girl who loved the boy, still waits for him to come back to her…where he belongs.

-JBHarris, 4.14.24

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 21: When The Revolutionary Is Bored In History Class

Note: Real history teaches…even when you don’t want to listen.

When the revolutionaries

Are bored in history class

They will say they

Your mind is wandering:

you are not paying

attention to the lesson

They is being taught

To the that you are being

Inattentive and dismissive

of what is being presented to you.

The information in

front of you

Is for your benefit

They tell you to study

To speak back

to remember and remember

and repeat and remember

and to internalize

for the exam

in front of you.

but when the revolutionary

looks at the information

in front of them,

knowing what they have

been given,

and what is on

the inside of them

remembering that

History is in the other room?

How can anything be saved if all be lost?

When the revolutionary is born

History books self-emulate!

Truth is on the inside of them

It will come from them,

And they will throw their hands

Up in the air —

The same fashion that

we did in Ferguson

When we said,

“Hands up don’t shoot?”

because I do have a question.

I have a question

because what you are

Presenting to me

Is so alien

It might as well

have come from

Jupiter —

Saturn—

Or a bar on Mars.

I do not understand

why all things dictated

in this realm of reality

focused on this narrative

have only been done

by anyone that is White,

And on money!

I do not understand

why my place in this

only is defined by

What my foremothers,

and my ancestors,

and those who suffered

from DRAPETOMANIA

were able to give to you—

that you stole from us—

and that you look at me and

say that I am lazy!

When the revolutionary

Is bored in history class

They will tell your parents

You are inattentive and disrespectful!

They will tell your family

That all is lost with you

because all they you need

To do is pay attention in their class!

Forgetting history is not static —

but is always dynamic,

and we are the result

of such history being erased

and mocked

and—

forgotten.

When the revolution

is born bored

in history class —

when those two meetings

of future and time

converge in

elementary school

middle school

or high school

You just understand

That when truth comes

As James Baldwin says

It must be spoken.

That oracle Baldwin

told us the world is

Held together

Really it is

By the love and passions

Of a few people

And what greater

passion is there

Than truth?

When the revolutionary

Is born in history class:

They will to change it.

-JBHarris, 4.21.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 20: Water Freezes – II

I’ve noticed two crucial things

between these birthdays

And this education:

DEGREES.

my eighth grade science teacher

told me that water freezes at 32°

so as one who has had 42 birthdays

TWO DEGREES

and is a water sign

It is easy for this heart of mine

to become icy.

to push you away

when you do things

that I know will

ruin my day.

when I see that

you have nothing

on your mind

but time

And choose to

waste mine?

There’s no reason for us to converse.

There’s no reason

for you to be in my universe.

I have almost 50 rotations

around God’s sun

and I have no reason

to waste another one

on someone else’s son

who does not know

what he wants —

or believes that he can keep me

in a frozen position

while he figures out.

Where is hot and heat

and where he can go

Gather more sympathy from.

I refuse to be chilled.

Water freezes

when you neglect it.

when you don’t feed it.

when there is no water

and no oxygen to

keep pace with it.

It will go back to its original state.

Unfazed.

and yet—

What can the poet do

When her heart is frozen

except fight for it to be

Flesh again,

To be won again,

To remember that love

Still is—

And may always be.

Even if not with me.

-JBHarris, 4.19.2024

30 Days Of Jaye – Day 19: The Mammy Of A Burning House

America is a plantation:

It just depends on where you sit.

And from where you sit,

It is the speed at which

they will give you bullshit.

The fact there are

Skinwalkers among

the safe places and

Spaces of Black people

should be a not shock to you.

Because —

You know —

They lied and betrayed Jesus too.

Understand that

Skinwalkers have always

Been among us!

Ever since Massa

Found one’ah us

Willing to betray

all that he is,

All that she was

in order to get a little bit more

Of where they got theirs from—

understanding all that they have is stolen.

You worship the oppression

and wonder why your life

is in ruin—

at the same time

Want protection from

who rescued from your

Own doin’!

You have to understand

that there is no room

For you at the inn!

That you have found yourself

Among thieves and robbers

and the same time

you wanna clobber us

For all that we have garnered

and say that we are lazy!

Have you been so far

From your mother’s table

From your father’s arms

You no longer recognize

I am you?

because I recognize that you are me.

And in that same breath

In the same life’s brevity,

I understand the same documents

That you worship?

They will hang you with.

They will use your blood

to keep the flag red, white and blue.

Red for the Blood shed

Here, there, and everywhere abroad.

White for ten same

Colored people who

Stole it and erased

All others,

Chaining the remaining as

If we had no mother,

Treaties as broken

As the husks of cicadas.

When you are

Hallowed out

Wiped and rubbed clean

Of blackness and its cause eternal

Blue is what you succumb

And remain

Once they hang you!

It is not my job to make you comfortable—

But to remind you of

All that is within you

That your rescue has

Always been in the room

But you continue

To your doom

but you must understand

because White father has

told you that black is bad .

And yet —

When the house burns down

You realize that we

are all you ever had!

But at the same time,

I had you your broom

Back to you!

there is no one willing

to stay here with you!

The plantations are burning!

Massa is dead!

And we have long time

before we go to bed,

so we have to keep going.

You sweet ‘round this porch

because this is what you wanted!

What you have worked for!

To be the best one

Outta all of us

And I say—

By that game you’ve won.

So, gone head and sit down some.

Rest a spell!

You gon need it for the

War yet to be won.

Because trust and believe

They’ll put your

Black ass at the end

Of a gun!

understand that you

Cannon fodder for

The cause of whiteness

because you have decided

To sacrifice all of yourself—

For all that they are!

And when the house burns down

Stay in there!

Because there is no more room

and we can’t share the air.

You have to understand

that you did this to you,

So sweep around that

front door like Massa

Told you to!

I will not be a mammy of a burning house.

-JBHarris, 4.17.24